It’s been quite some time since I’ve been on here. I know I can blame lots of things such as getting mysterious vertigo for a few months, traveling to Europe and getting engaged (no big deal), and just being all around busy and lacking crafting motivation, but nothing has spurred me on more to jump back into the saddle again as has my grandmother’s passing away. Today is the 2 week anniversary of her passing and I miss her every single day. As much as I keep trying to ignore this reality without her, I just can’t. So, I decided it was high time to indulge the grief process by picking myself back up and remembering the incredible woman that she was and whose own craft genius will forever be a part of me. As I’m beginning this process and needing to reinvigorate my creativity, I realized that the white frame which holds my favorite picture of her was lacking.
I needed it to commemorate her more, so I decided to paint it her favorite color; purple. I picked up my purple paint and sponge brush for the first time in months and I painted.
I painted for her.
Though an easy task, the simple process has helped me begin to grieve. And now when I walk by her picture, I take a moment to remember some of my fondest memories of her. I was fortunate enough to spend time with her the week before she passed away, and while I was by her bedside keeping her company, she asked me if I remembered a specific time that I went to visit her which also happened to be one of my favorite memories. When I was 12 or so, I flew down to stay with her for the summer as I often had the chance to do. This was during the stage in my life when I was dying my hair various colors and during this instance it just so happened to be green. I was always nervous to fly on my own; to this day airports still give me anxiety for some reason, but my grandma was there waiting for me as soon as I landed to put me at ease. She never once said anything about my green hair and was just excited to have me there. As we walked through the terminal together, multiple people would stop and stare at me, sometimes talking under their breath. With each gawk, my grandma looked them dead in the eyes and glared them down until they felt uncomfortable and turned away. Green hair and all, I was her granddaughter and no one was allowed to snicker at me. I have always cherished this memory and it helps me to remember just how much my grandma loved, supported, and protected me unconditionally. It brought me so much joy to know that this was on the forefront of her memory too.
I’m so grateful for the last days that I got to spend with her and the further memories that she and I were able to share. I am currently comforted in remembering the moment that she held my hand so tightly and for so long as she slept that I had to prop up my arm to prevent it from going numb because I didn’t want to let go. I am thankful that I had the opportunity to support her during those final days and to witness the intense love that emanated from my family as everyone came along side her and cared for her.
I imagine that I’ll continue to miss her everyday, but that eventually my sadness will morph into the eternal gratefulness that I will always have for my grandmother. She was our Grandma Cats. She loved us, she spoiled us, she guided us, and she often scared the crap out of us by turning off all of the lights and scratching on the windows from the outside, finding it hilarious to hear us scream. She was one of the strongest and most courageous women I have ever known and I’m sure I inherited my stubborn and feisty demeanor from her. She was one of my biggest supporters and she always had our best interests at heart.
In the days to come, perhaps I’ll pick back up the crocheting that she taught me how to do when I was younger. Her skill will always be an inspiration to my creative endeavors. But for now…I just need to grieve and remember the amazing woman who influenced my life on so many levels.
I love you, Grandma, and I’ll forever miss you.